✕
Judeau, it's time to make some music.
your other life is calling.
Open
JUDEAU INC ACCEPTABLE USE POLICY
Effective: immediately. Retroactively, if legally possible.
By logging in, you acknowledge that this computer, this desk, and technically your entire personality between the hours of 9 and 5 are property of Judeau Inc.
1. Equipment
All hardware remains the property of Judeau Inc, including but not limited to: this monitor, this keyboard, and any dreams you had before accepting this position.
2. Internet Usage
Personal browsing is permitted during designated break times. Designated break times are still under review. They have been under review since 2019.
3. Communications
All messages sent via company systems may be monitored, reviewed, screenshotted, printed out, and read aloud at the next all-hands for reasons that will not be explained.
4. Snacks
The kitchen snack drawer is a shared resource. "Shared" is defined here as "whoever gets there first." Legal action regarding snack disputes will not be pursued, but will be remembered.
5. Productivity
Employees are expected to appear productive at all times, regardless of actual productivity. Eye contact with your monitor counts.
6. Printer Etiquette
The printer is a privilege, not a right. It knows when you're in a hurry.
7. Meetings
All meetings could have been an email. This has been noted. Nothing will change.
8. Termination
Employment may be terminated at any time, for any reason, or for no reason, possibly via group chat.
9. Miscellaneous
By scrolling to the bottom of this document, you agree to everything above, whether or not you actually read it. We both know you didn't.
— end of policy. thank you for your compliance. —
Full versions unlock on release. Presave to hear it first.
This folder's empty for now — send over some photos (album shots, behind-the-scenes, the funny ones too) and they'll show up here.
You weren't supposed to find this folder. Nothing to see here... probably.
Start
loading questions...
choose a look for the desktop
click a trophy to see what it's for
you weren't supposed to find this.
Judeau Inc exists to synergize forward-thinking solutions across all core verticals. We add value. We optimize outcomes. We leverage our leverage. If you ask us what we actually do, we will smile and change the subject.
On an unrelated note — have you tried conditional formatting? Highlight a range of cells, go to Format > Conditional Formatting, set a rule based on cell value. It is, genuinely, one of life's great quiet pleasures. Anyway. Back to business.
From Future Judeau
most days it's spreadsheets and stand-ups. inboxes that never actually empty. meetings that could have been anything else.
but there's always this — ten minutes stolen between report and report, a half-built loop I can't stop thinking about, a snare that still isn't sitting right.
it's not about balance. balance would mean giving something up. this is more like keeping two people alive at once, and hoping one of them wins eventually.
thanks for opening this. genuinely. most people don't look past the desktop icons.
— J